"Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers." - VoltairE

Where do you weigh a pie?

Posted by Anne Witton on Tuesday, December 9, 2014 Under: Random stuff
...Somewhere over the rainbow!

I love a good cracker joke and have been collecting up favourites to share with you. Enjoy!



Q. Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
A. Because they were two deer.

Q. How do you know if Santa's been in your garden shed?
A. You've got three extra hoes.

Q. What's the most popular Christmas wine?
A. 'I don't like Brussels sprouts!'

Q. What operating system do Advent calendars use?
A. Windows 24

Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A. Fsh!

Q. Why are horse-drawn carriages so unpopular?
A. Because horses are rubbish at drawing.
(Alex Horne)

Q. What does the Queen call her Christmas broadcast?
A. The One Show

Q. What would you get if all the cars in Britain were red?
A. A red carnation

Q. Which author steals train sets from under the Christmas tree?
A. Nick Hornby
(Milton Jones)

Q. Why are there no jokes about turkey giblets?
A. Because the punchlines are offal

Q. What’s a mathematician’s favourite Christmas snack?
A. A mince pi
(Birthday Girls)

Q. Why is it getting harder to buy advent calendars?
A. Because their days are numbered

Q. What's the slogan for the Eskimo lottery?
A. 'You've got to be Inuit to win you it!'
(Alistair McGowan)

Q. What are the tributaries that run into the world's longest river?
A. The juve-niles

Q. How do you know Santa’s real?
A. He’s from the grotto

Q What do you call a man who's been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder?
A These are good crackers, aren't they? Who bought these?
(Chris Addison)

Merry Christmas!

In : Random stuff 

Next post: December news...
Previous post: Enjoy the silence

Tags: christmas joke humour funny 
« Back to posts

Tags

"loving god' commandment relationship 40th activity acts addiction adoption adultery advent aesop agapé android animation anxiety apologetics app apps argument aroma atheism audio bear ben folds bible bible characters bible narrative bible study bible trading cards big picture birthday blog body of christ book book review books busyness cat celebration celibacy celtic change charity chart child children christ christendom christmas chronicles church church history climate change coastguard colouring comedy commentary communications communion community compassion conference consumerism contemplation context conversation coronavirus covenant covid-19 creation creation care creativity cross crucifixtion cryptic culture cwtch daily prayer data day of the lord death debate devotional diagram dictionary digital disagreement disciples discipleship discipline discussion documentary easter ecclesiastes economics education effort elder brother emotion encouragement enemies environment environmentalism ethics evangelism event evidence ezekiel fable facebook fact check fair trade faith faitheism fake news father fear feast feeling fellowship feminism fiction film fireseeds flesh flourishing food foodbank forgiveness free freedom freshers fun fundraiser funny galatians game gay gay wedding genealogies generosity gifts giving god god's presence good good news gospel gospreflection grace gratitude great commission green growth guitar hagar healing health heart heaven hebrews history hoarding holy biscuit holy spirit home homosexuality honesty hope hopelessness hospitality house hub humanism humour hymn identity in individualism infographic infographics inheritance insurance internet interview interviews intimacy ios jesus joel joke jonah joseph joy justice kindness kingdom kingdom of god lament law leaflet lectio divina legacy lennox lesbian levite lgbtq liberty library literal literature liturgy living out lockdown lord’s love lust magazine map mark mark's materialism matthew maturity meal meditation meditations memory mental health ministry mission missionaries moody moral morality move murray music names of god nation new creation new year newcomers news non-fiction north east obsession old testament online outreach pain palm sunday parable passover patience peace pentecost persecution perseverance perspective philosophy photo photography piano picture this thought podcast poem poetry political correctness pool night possessions post-christendom poverty power praise prayer prayer requests prayer walk preaching presentation presents priest princess anne priorities prodigal son productivity project prophecy protection provision psalm publicity puzzle questions quiz quotes reading rebellion reconciliation redemption reference reflection relationship relationships relativism religion remembrance repentance rescue resource resources rest restoration resurrection retreat review reviews riches right and wrong royalty rules rush sabbath sacrifice same-sex attraction sarah scholarship science screens scripture scripture engagement secularism seed self esteem selfishness sermon sermon on the mount sex sexuality shalom sharing faith shopping showcase significance silence simplicity sin slavery smell social social action social media society software solitude song songs sonship soularium sources speaking spiritual gifts spirituality sproul spurgeon stations of the cross stats stewardship stone story stott student student life students study suffering supper support support discovery talk tech technology temple tft thank you thanksgiving theology time toby tools top trumps trading cards training transformation translation treasure treasure hunt trivia true freedom trust truth unity update utilities value video vine visual waiting waiting for god walk war wealth website websites wesley witnessing women words world worldview worry worship worth writing wrong wycliffe youtube ywam

©  Anne Witton 2023          Contact | Newsletter                            

Living Out is registered UK Charity no. 1165572 | The Baptist Union is Charity no. 249635